Little did I know that those 2 tiny words would start a chain reaction that would lead me down a painful and amazing path.
It went from “I Do” to “I want a divorce” in two years.
Two long years…
Long enough to own two cars, a four bedroom house, have a front yard with trees and bushes that had these fucking thorns that were two inches long, I would work on during the weekends.
Long enough to live next to a little kids playground, a few streets near a giant new park with basketball courts and a baseball field, walking distance to a MUCH nicer grade school than I ever went to, half a mile from a high school that is twice as impressive which would easily be driven to by a young adult with a shiny new driver’s license in their wallet. It was all planned out in my mind, from first steps, playing catch, working on a car, to graduation….
Those two years of my life are gone, all but erased from my mind. When I sit down and really think hard, it feel like trying to remember a dream from long ago. Even now writing this, it feels like I am remembering someone else’s thoughts, that they almost couldn’t have been mine.
After that, I decided I needed to change. Clearly I messed up. I fucked things up and ruined a perfect situation. It was something I did wrong to make things play out the way they did. So I began a journey, so it wouldn’t happen again.
On this journey I learned more about myself than I ever thought possible. It was the most difficult thing I have ever done, realizing I wasn’t happy with the way I was and doing whatever it took to change that, it is more than most can handle.
Now five years later, I am back in Phoenix visiting from my new home in Los Angeles where I am living a life I never thought possible. Hanging out with my Dad, sister, brother, niece, this weekend and am closer to all of them than ever before. I talk to my mom every week, something I never did. Am closer to my friends and have found some really amazing ones. Found out I actually am pretty decent with the ladies, somehow got a job focusing on that, and now help guys all around the world learn from my previous mistakes, so they hopefully can not follow my painful path.
I found out that it wasn’t my fault.
I also found out that I am now happy.
originally posted April 25, 2008 comments copied over